Friday, October 26, 2012


hey kids-
the patriots are trying to kill me. in the nail-bitiest of many nail-biter games this season, our boys squeaked out a win against the new york jets – and in their cursed throwback unis, no less. remember those days when we used to win by 42 points and everyone hated us for not easing up in the fourth? i miss those days.
with our embarrassingly-talented offense continuing to splutter, our fearless quarterback needed a whole lot of help to get this one done. luckily, the boys were (just barely!) up to the job and everyone pitched in to make sure tommy’s two touchdowns and 259 yards were (just barely!) enough. our rockstar kicker was key in stretching out every last inch of those yards, nailing two crucial field goals to eventually give us the game. in the surfeit of ways i screamed at the tv suggesting how i might show stephen gostkowski my appreciation, this one actually didn’t make the list....but whatever works.

in other news, the other kowski on our team also had a pretty big game. the a in t&a pull down two touchdown passes, both of which he subsequently celebrated in typical rob gronkowski fashion.  cmon, gronk! spiking the ball is so cliche. i say show us your abs after touchdowns!

it took big plays by offense, defense, and special teams to ground the jets on sunday, but ultimately it was our defense that turned out to want this win the most. rob ninkovich had a solid game all around, but it was capped off by strip sack of mark sanchez that finally secured a pats victory – and this week’s tommy. i really don’t have anything pithy to say about it – other than to note that for this is the second week in a row in which i’ve said thanks rob!

our pats take on the rams in the nfl’s annual stupidlondongame on sunday, and then we’re rewarded with the blessed bye. your happy patriots thoughts will need extra time to get across the pond, so start sendin’ em now!
have a great week, and go pats!
love dav

Friday, October 19, 2012


hey kids-

this is going to be the hardest the tommy of the week has ever been for me to write, and not because our patriots lost (which supersucks). sunday marked day four of my trip to new york – or day four of the vacation of perpetual intoxication, as it shall heretofore be known.  the only way im even writing this (on the plane, probably over iowa) is courtesy of an in-flight margarita. thanks dad!

so, from what i remember (quarters one through three and a half), our fearless quarterback looked pretty good right up to the point i started seeing three of him.  i think that’s the point at which he started seeing three of all of our receivers (i heard there was a helmet-to-helmet, but didn’t see it) and subsequently started throwing interceptions. seeing as how he had 395 yards and two touchdowns, it really seems like we should have won this game. it also seems like a girl who’s 5’4 shouldn’t be able to drink six shots and 47 beers. life is a mystery, tommy.

the highlight of this game as i remember it was definitely the reappearance of aaron hernandez – who promptly reminded us why we missed him with an awesome touchdown catch that prominently featured all his lovely tattoos. dreamy sigh. make it rain, baby. (hear that wes? i dreamy sighed over aaron hernadez. yeah. you heard it. sign your contract!)

i actually did watch this game right up until the very end, but i have no idea who should get the tommy of the week. i really don’t know how we lost this game, and i’m kind of just mad at all the patriots – even the cute ones – for allowing that to happen. so, i’m giving the tommy of the week to my friend rob. granted, he is the one responsible for my drunken condition, but all things considered, it was probably for the best, given the way that game ended. also, he did catch me when i almost fell down after that second interception. thanks, rob!

it feels like we’re giving it away this season, and i don't know what it's going to take to make our patriots hungry again. i really thought we looked great sunday until the implosion, and i know i’m superspoiled by these last few 13-3 seasons, so maybe a slow start isn’t the end of the world. still, the jets come to town on sunday, and i dont know that we can recover from 3-4, so start thinking happy patriots thoughts – and throw in a few happy dav thoughts, too, since recovering from this hangover will be at least as challenging as recovering from this loss.

have a great week, and go pats.
love dav

Monday, October 1, 2012


hey kids-
the patriots won! we beat the bills yesterday, and i’m not gonna lie: waking up with a win made it a lot easier to face monday this morning.
our fearless quarterback was fired up from the get-go, but it took the rest of the team a little while to catch up. our first half was plagued with butterfingers, botched routes, and a general malaise that was hard to watch. luckily, the boys came back like gangbusters in the second half, and tommy wound up with 340 yards and four touchdowns – including one for which he rushed while i objected loudly. in fact, here he is, looking like he knew everything was firmly in hand all along.

wes welker continued his campaign to get back into my good graces, or to, you know, clinch a new contract or whatever, but it doesn’t seem right to give rob gronkowski his own (shared) feature and then never actually feature him. since both wes and rob infuriated/impressed me in equal measure yesterday, i decided to split the difference and show you both. say what you will about our patriots – we certainly never lack in the eye candy department.

there were so many incredible performances on sunday, this week’s tommy was a tough call. this was only the second game in nfl history to feature two 100-yard rushers, two 100-yard receivers, and a quarterback with more than 300 passing yards. still, when you’re struggling to find your footing, there’s always that one play that turns things around – and i think vince wilfork made it. just before the half, the bills were on the goal line about to score. vince hopped into the fray, forced a fumbled, and came through the pile with the recovery in his arms – sending us into the locker room down 7 instead of 14 and showin the boys how it’s done. every once in a while, we see that one patriot with so much heart, he tries to carry the whole team to victory on his back. lucky, vince has a large enough back to do it! EAT EM VINCE!

we’ve got a big one on sunday, kids. denver always gives us a run for our money – but now they’re helmed by our old arch-nemesis, peyton manning. i always hate losing, but i reallyreallyreally hate losing to peyton manning, or any of the mannings, for that matter. start practicing your happy patriots thoughts now, and hopefully i’ll be this chipper come next monday, too.
have a great week, and go pats!
love dav