Monday, September 25, 2017


well kids, 

it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't easy, and i wouldn't even say our patriots got readiest fastest - but they did manage to beat the houstons in a laborious game that took two years off my life. i'd just finished writing a full on totw rant in my head when tommy threw the game winning touchdown with 23 seconds to spare, and it kind of seems like a shame to waste it just because we won.

touchdowns and sacks are usually inversely related, but our fearless quarterback managed to rack up five of each. you'd think that would be some kind of record, but i guess no one cares how much time you spent on your freaking butt if you win. the houstons always tend to beat up on tommy, but our patriots are NOT playing good football. tommy wound up 25 of 35 for 378 yards, and along with the sacks and touchdowns, he also had THREE freaking fumbles. get a freaking grip, tommy!

this was a sloppy, sloppy football game, and it feels like we should be more embarrassed winning than if we'd lost. granted, this was a little more challenging than normal since our freaking defense and offensive line took the day off to enjoy the end of boston's summer instead of protecting our quarterback and stopping theirs. nevertheless, tommy did score five times, which seems like a freaking miracle, so our offense must be starting to figure out how to make it work without jules. chris hogan gets honorable mention for his two touchdowns and the best celebration i've seen since welker's snow angel (can the spin please please please be hogan's gronk spike?), but this week's tommy is going to brandin cooks. cooks caught five passes for 131 yards and two touchdowns, and his heads up game-winning toe tap is just what we like to see from brand new patriots. welcome to the team, kiddo! 

we play carolina on sunday, and the only upside is that we just took on a younger, smarter, faster, and more agile cam newton in deshaun watson (not that we were so effective at containing him even though he's a freaking rookie). here's hoping our defense actually learned something and shows up to show it. think your happy patriots thoughts that we win - and that i don't have a freaking aneurysm while we do it. 

have a great week, and go (freaking) pats.

love dav

Monday, September 18, 2017


hey kids-

our patriots bounced back against the saints, and even with my patriots dissociative disorder in full swing, this was a significantly more enjoyable game to watch than last week's. thank god for gronk.

remember that movie 13 going on 30 - when the 13 year old girl couldn't wait to be "thirty and flirty and thriving?" in my head, our fearless quarterback is rocking his own new decade as "forty and sporty and kicking all of your 20-year-old asses - so suck it."  or something like that. tommy wound up with three touchdowns - all the in the first quarter - and went 30 of 39 for 447 yards, which is more yards than our entire offense generated last week. i know, the saints defense is terrible, but a win is a win, and i'm happy with this one - and to see tommy looking like tommy again.

in fact, we're skipping the suspense this week and awarding the totw directly to its namesake. gronk did give tommy a literal run for it, and pretty much everyone on the team stepped up their games from last week, but tommy gets it anyway. three touchdowns in one quarter!!! forty and sporty and kicking all of your 20-year-old asses - so suck it.

we'll have a tougher challenge next week against the houstons, and to be honest, i'm not completely sure we're ready. on the plus side, the houstons probably aren't ready either. who will get readiest fastest? think your happy patriots thoughts that it's us. despite my seeming ambivalence, i do like winning better than losing.   

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Sunday, September 10, 2017


hey kids-

well, our patriots lost the season opener, and i'm not really fussed about it. by now you've all heard that the last two or three or four times we lost our season opener, we won the super bowl. yeah, yeah, bandwaggoners. from the totw 2/15/15:


remember this?:

(from the TOTW 9/8/14) WEEK ONE @ MIAMI DOLPHINS L 33_20
so the good news is that tommy’s in last place and you know he’s pissed off about it, which can only be good for us. the even gooder news is that the last time we lost the season opener, we won the super bowl.

so, you know, there's that. plus, injury injury injury, first game first game first game, blah blah blah. like i said, i'm not really fussed about it.

our fearless quarterback didn't look especially fearless, but i think it had more to do with first night jitters or a broken jules or a couple of new guys than it did with turning 40 (because 40 is AWESOME! i was so jealous tommy was doing it, i did it too!). he had a ton of passes that were just a teensy bit off the mark and wound up a measly 16 for 36 for 267 yards and no touchdowns. tommy was definitely pissed off about it, but he'd like everyone to know he has the situation firmly under control.

there are a ton of new faces that have joined our patriots this year, and i like brandin cooks already! i actually like a lot of them already, which is why i'm not really fussed. however, they did not perform to their fullest potential, so this week's tommy was a little tough. the obvious contender is gillislee and his three scores were certainly impressive...but i'm giving it to devin mccourty. he's the only person on our team that i felt like wanted to win this game, and he's getting it. object if you wish.

i feel like this loss might be a little bit my fault because i didn't write a totw of the super bowl, so i didn't remind you all to think your happy patriots thoughts. i didn't do my job, you didn't do yours - and the whole thing fell apart. SO. we play the saints on sunday, and god knows drew brees is coming to play. let's hope brandin cooks shows his old team what they're missin, tommy gets into groove, and our defense consists of more people who want to win than devin mccourty. think your happy patriots thoughts, have a great week, and go pats.

love dav