Sunday, December 17, 2017


twas the week before christmas, and the season was ripe
for an AFC match-up surrounded by hype

on a cold rainy sunday, our patriots came
to see if the steelers lived up to their name

it wasn't just christmas at risk to be stealed,
but playoff advantage and precious home field

tommy started out fast but then made an exception
with his one lonely touchdown and d@mned interception

he threw 35 passes and 13 weren't caught
and two ninety-eight yards doesn't seem like a lot
plus our defense had trouble with the bs and big ben
and it seemed like we'd lose down in pittsburgh, but then!

all of a sudden tommy fought off the blitz
throwing pass after pass into gronk's waiting mitts
gronk was here, gronk was there, gronk would leap and he'd dive
then he really let loose and hit gronk overdrive

for one sixty-eight yards poor sean davis got burned
and with nine awesome grabs, this week's tommy was earned
with the t-o-t-dub, gronk's redeemed from suspension
(though that clutch pick by harmon gets hon'rable mention!)

now there's still one game left before christmas is saved
we must fight off the bills (and hope gronk's well-behaved)
so think patriots thoughts! think them happy and bright!
and in case i don't get to the tommy that night

i send all my best wishes for a holiday that's
filled with magic and love, merry christmas, go pats!

love dav

Thursday, December 14, 2017


well kids- 

in case you were wondering, our patriots' d-game is not enough to beat the miami dolphins. but it did come close.

it's been so long since our fearless quarterback threw two inceptions in one game, i can't even remember it - but leave it to miami to bring out the worst in tommy. he went a miserable 24/43 for 233 yards and one touchdown, and trust me, it was uglier in real time than it is on paper. that's alright, tommy. save it all for pittsburgh.

i honestly have no idea who should get this week's tommy. there was only thing for which i remember cheering the entire game- and that was an awesome one-handed grab by dion lewis. i hate giving the totw by default, no one stepped up to earn it - so it's going to lewis. here's hoping next week's game is a little less of a blur. 

speaking of next week- we're playing the steelers in pittsburgh on sunday afternoon. i've been arguing that recent losses for philly, the saints, and rams are "good for them" heading toward the post-season- and i'd argue this loss in miami was good for our pats in the same way. however, there will be nothing good about losing to the steelers. think your happy patriots thoughts that our boys get their heads back in the game. wanna-be omar epps is going to whine either way, so we might as well give him some good reasons.

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Thursday, December 7, 2017


hey kids-

sorry i'm late! i've been busy- but i've also been pretty ticked off about this game against the bills. it's weird how i seem to get a lot more angry when we win than when we lose- but this one's got me all riled up!

just like last week, our patriots kinda brought their b-game, led by our fearless quarterback. tommy was 21 of 30 for 258 yards and one touchdown - pretty much all of which happened in the second half. that's alright, tommy. save it all for pittsburgh.

unless you live beneath a rock, you know our gronk totally lost his temper and took a fierce elbow dive on top of a buffalo bill who manhandled his way into the most bogus interception i've ever seen in my life. i'm told you're supposed to watch what you say online, so i'm just going to say that it's possible to love somebody while not agreeing with his bad decisions. it's also possible to love somebody while *totally* agreeing with his bad decisions (though i never root for anyone to get hurt).  i'm also gonna give the totw to gronk - who was manhandled all day and still managed nine receptions for 147 yards. surmise what you will. 

we're back up against miami on monday night, and losing to miami in december has become a patriots pastime. we're gonna be down a gronk, so think your happy patriots and hope our b-game is still as effective as it was two weeks ago.

have a great weekend, and go pats!

love dav

Tuesday, November 28, 2017


hey kids-

our patriots are on a roll, and the dolphins are now beneath it. this wasn't our patriots' best game of the season, but i'm okay with it. have i mentioned how much i reeeeeeeeally like winning by a looooooooooooooot?

our fearless quarterback threw for just 227 yards, going 18 for 28 - but four of those were touchdown passes. that's especially good because one of them was also an interception. let's hope tommy got THAT out of his system.

my sister says jonathan jones gets this week's totw, and i'm going to go ahead and agree with her. write it down, mom! we agreed! there were a few other great performances- including dion lewis' first 100+ yard rushing game and patrick chung's patrickchunginess, but jones was all over this game- and the dolphins' quarterback with his first career sack. way to rock it out, jones!

we play the bills on sunday, and they're definitely not going to roll over as easily as the dolphins did. think your happy patriots thoughts that we win - and i'll try not to be greedy and hope we win by a looooooooot.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Monday, November 20, 2017


hey kids-

i sure hope our patriots picked up a few cases of tequila on their way back from mexico city, because shots are definitely in order after this rout of the raiders. winning is better than losing, but winning by a whole bunch is soooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuch better than that. uno mas, patriotitos!

i think i'm finally starting to see the whole "tom brady is playing some of the best football of his career" thing everybody's been talking about all season. while i'd have liked a little more productivity in the red zone, our fearless quarterback went 30 of 37 for 339 yards and three touchdowns - including a super pretty long pass down the field to brandin cooks. tommy did some other good stuff, too, but holy crap! did you see that pass to brandin cooks? i'd say we should play all our games at altitude, but looking at this, maybe that mexico stadium is so big that the laws of physics just don't apply. 

our new-and-improved defense continues to new and improve, this week holding the raiders to one late game score and forcing two turnovers. muy bien, boys, but you had some stiff competition for this week's totw. this one could easily go to cooks (see the aforementioned holy crap) or to stephen gostkowski, who nailed his 62-yarder along with three other field goals, but in a fit of prerogative, i'm giving the tommy of the week to its namesake. there are lots of reasons - but really, do i need one? gracias, tomas!

after rockin on the road, we head home to play miami on sunday in a very peculiar stretch of back to back to back to almost back to back divisional games. think your happy patriots thoughts while you're enjoying your turkey - and save a little room for fish!

have a happy thanksgiving and a great week- and go pats!

love dav

Tuesday, November 14, 2017


hey kids- 

i don't know if it's sunday night football, the benefit of the bye, or just that our patriots are finally patriots again, but our boys looked freaking awesome on sunday night. this was hands down some of the most fun i've had watching football all season - and not just because i was in new york!

even our fearless quarterback, whom everyone else says looks great but i think looks awful, looked freaking awesome on sunday night. he plays some crappy football at mile high, and while the team certainly helped with this win, tommy went 25 of 34 for 266 yards and three touchdowns. thank god it's november, eh, tommy? we know those beanies are the source of your super powers.

there are so many contenders for this week's tommy, it's an embarrassment of riches. gronk and cooks both had nice games, bennett managed to be productive after being back for just three days, and allen (d, not r) managed to be productive for the first time all year. the d also held the broncos to just 16 points - which is freaking awesome, even if it was osweiler. still, anyone who watched this game knows it was special teams that stole the show. of course, lewis' punt return for 103 yards and a touchdown was amazing, but i'm giving the totw to rex burkhead. the receiving touchdown was nice, but the blocked punt sealed the deal. freaking amazing, sexy rexy! more of that, please.

our patriots are hanging out in colorado springs - where my little sister will be stalking them until they head off to mexico city to play the raiders next sunday. the boys are definitely back on track, and i'm trying to get back on track with weekly totws as well. spending all day writing cover letters and responding to job posts saps my creative energy- so if you know anyone who needs a copywriter, send 'em my way!  meanwhile, you've all been rocking your happy patriots thoughts, so keep up the great work! 

have a great week, and go pats! 

love dav

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


well kids, 

our patriots actually looked like patriots on sunday night, and if that's not enough motivation to start writing totws again, i don't know what will be. 

i keep hearing that this is one of tommy's best seasons on record, but i find it inconceivable because i think he looks awful. our fearless quarterback went 21 of 29 for 249 yards and two touchdowns, and when you factor in that three of the eight misses were dropped passes, i guess i kind of see it... but i still think he looks awful. hang in there tommy. the fog is bound to lift - and at least you're winning!

you can't blame tommy for thinking all that fog was leftover firework smoke - especially since our defense seemed emerge from it as if rising up out the ashes. our last-in-the-league defense very nearly shut out the falcons in what was hopefully a confidence builder for them and definitely a confidence builder for me. butler and bademosi both get honorable mention, as does our nifty new running back quartet, but i'm giving the totw to kyle van noy. it's always good when a linebacker has the most tackles on our team - so thanks for doing your job, kyle!

we play san diangeles on sunday, and everyone keeps going on and on about the chargers and their three game winning streak. in their defense, it really doesn't happen too often, so i get why they're excited. think your happy patriots thoughts that our own three game winning streak continues, and i'll catch you next time.

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Monday, October 2, 2017


well kids, 

our patriots lost, and boy did they ever have it coming. this game was a whole lot of blah, although thankfully there was a ha, an aw, and a ta-da thrown in to prevent my aneurysm. let's make this one short and sweet.

our fearless quarterback is awesome at everything, so you should not be surprised he was awesome at blah - going 32 of 45 for 307 yards and two touchdowns. i know tommy's all over this fourth comeback legacy, but someone really needs to tell him he doesn't actually have to wait until the fourth quarter to start playing. yes tommy - jules is broken, most the newbies can't learn the routes, and your o-line is AWOL. BLAH BLAH BLAH. try harder!

our defense deserves a whole lot worse than blah, even with the two turnovers, so let's skip them and go straight to the highlights. gronk delivered the game's best ha with flailing arms and legs to make sure the refs knew exactly when and where to call pass interference - and they certainly needed the help. amendola gave us a big aw rushing to the back of the endzone, touchdown ball still in hand, to pose with a JE11 flag. and stephen gostkowski nailed the ta-da with a career-, franchise-, and stadium-long 58-yard-field goal. and just like that, gostkowski got his groove back - and got this week's tommy to boot (or by boot, as the case may be). let's hope the rest of the team follow your foot(steps), stephen!

we play tampa bay on thursday night, which does not give you long to think your happy patriots thoughts. tampa bay is actually looking pretty good this year, but even if they weren't, we look terrible. send your happy patriots thoughts that our patriots do their jobs extra hard and eek out the win. i haven't a feeling we might not be seeing much of anybody who doesn't after thursday.

have a great short week - and go pats.

love dav

Monday, September 25, 2017


well kids, 

it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't easy, and i wouldn't even say our patriots got readiest fastest - but they did manage to beat the houstons in a laborious game that took two years off my life. i'd just finished writing a full on totw rant in my head when tommy threw the game winning touchdown with 23 seconds to spare, and it kind of seems like a shame to waste it just because we won.

touchdowns and sacks are usually inversely related, but our fearless quarterback managed to rack up five of each. you'd think that would be some kind of record, but i guess no one cares how much time you spent on your freaking butt if you win. the houstons always tend to beat up on tommy, but our patriots are NOT playing good football. tommy wound up 25 of 35 for 378 yards, and along with the sacks and touchdowns, he also had THREE freaking fumbles. get a freaking grip, tommy!

this was a sloppy, sloppy football game, and it feels like we should be more embarrassed winning than if we'd lost. granted, this was a little more challenging than normal since our freaking defense and offensive line took the day off to enjoy the end of boston's summer instead of protecting our quarterback and stopping theirs. nevertheless, tommy did score five times, which seems like a freaking miracle, so our offense must be starting to figure out how to make it work without jules. chris hogan gets honorable mention for his two touchdowns and the best celebration i've seen since welker's snow angel (can the spin please please please be hogan's gronk spike?), but this week's tommy is going to brandin cooks. cooks caught five passes for 131 yards and two touchdowns, and his heads up game-winning toe tap is just what we like to see from brand new patriots. welcome to the team, kiddo! 

we play carolina on sunday, and the only upside is that we just took on a younger, smarter, faster, and more agile cam newton in deshaun watson (not that we were so effective at containing him even though he's a freaking rookie). here's hoping our defense actually learned something and shows up to show it. think your happy patriots thoughts that we win - and that i don't have a freaking aneurysm while we do it. 

have a great week, and go (freaking) pats.

love dav

Monday, September 18, 2017


hey kids-

our patriots bounced back against the saints, and even with my patriots dissociative disorder in full swing, this was a significantly more enjoyable game to watch than last week's. thank god for gronk.

remember that movie 13 going on 30 - when the 13 year old girl couldn't wait to be "thirty and flirty and thriving?" in my head, our fearless quarterback is rocking his own new decade as "forty and sporty and kicking all of your 20-year-old asses - so suck it."  or something like that. tommy wound up with three touchdowns - all the in the first quarter - and went 30 of 39 for 447 yards, which is more yards than our entire offense generated last week. i know, the saints defense is terrible, but a win is a win, and i'm happy with this one - and to see tommy looking like tommy again.

in fact, we're skipping the suspense this week and awarding the totw directly to its namesake. gronk did give tommy a literal run for it, and pretty much everyone on the team stepped up their games from last week, but tommy gets it anyway. three touchdowns in one quarter!!! forty and sporty and kicking all of your 20-year-old asses - so suck it.

we'll have a tougher challenge next week against the houstons, and to be honest, i'm not completely sure we're ready. on the plus side, the houstons probably aren't ready either. who will get readiest fastest? think your happy patriots thoughts that it's us. despite my seeming ambivalence, i do like winning better than losing.   

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Sunday, September 10, 2017


hey kids-

well, our patriots lost the season opener, and i'm not really fussed about it. by now you've all heard that the last two or three or four times we lost our season opener, we won the super bowl. yeah, yeah, bandwaggoners. from the totw 2/15/15:


remember this?:

(from the TOTW 9/8/14) WEEK ONE @ MIAMI DOLPHINS L 33_20
so the good news is that tommy’s in last place and you know he’s pissed off about it, which can only be good for us. the even gooder news is that the last time we lost the season opener, we won the super bowl.

so, you know, there's that. plus, injury injury injury, first game first game first game, blah blah blah. like i said, i'm not really fussed about it.

our fearless quarterback didn't look especially fearless, but i think it had more to do with first night jitters or a broken jules or a couple of new guys than it did with turning 40 (because 40 is AWESOME! i was so jealous tommy was doing it, i did it too!). he had a ton of passes that were just a teensy bit off the mark and wound up a measly 16 for 36 for 267 yards and no touchdowns. tommy was definitely pissed off about it, but he'd like everyone to know he has the situation firmly under control.

there are a ton of new faces that have joined our patriots this year, and i like brandin cooks already! i actually like a lot of them already, which is why i'm not really fussed. however, they did not perform to their fullest potential, so this week's tommy was a little tough. the obvious contender is gillislee and his three scores were certainly impressive...but i'm giving it to devin mccourty. he's the only person on our team that i felt like wanted to win this game, and he's getting it. object if you wish.

i feel like this loss might be a little bit my fault because i didn't write a totw of the super bowl, so i didn't remind you all to think your happy patriots thoughts. i didn't do my job, you didn't do yours - and the whole thing fell apart. SO. we play the saints on sunday, and god knows drew brees is coming to play. let's hope brandin cooks shows his old team what they're missin, tommy gets into groove, and our defense consists of more people who want to win than devin mccourty. think your happy patriots thoughts, have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Monday, January 23, 2017


hey kids-

well, maybe it wasn't the mustache. tom brady did not shave, but our patriots are going to the super bowl anyway. given the way in which they got there, i may grow a mustache myself. 

as expected (by me), our fearless quarterback rebounded from last week's subpar performance with one for the records - literally. tommy went 32 of 42 for three touchdowns and 384 yards, which was the most in patriots playoff history. based on quarterback rating, this was his third best playoff performance of his career. for anyone wondering about the ridiculously large coat, the explanation is simple: he and that mustache are just getting warmed up. 

after carrying tommy last week, this week our team hopped up onto his shoulders to enjoy the ride. our "untested" defense added two more turnovers to the stat sheet and had no trouble removing the stingers from the killer bs, holding pittsburgh to 17 points - including one impressive goal line stand i did *not* see coming. meanwhile, our detested offense played with enough venom for both teams, and after all that talk about those bs, it was the flea that wound up stealing this show. tommy's handoff to dion turned into a never-gets-old trick that landed in the endzone-bound arms of chris hogan. it was just one of many great catches that added up to a record-breaking 180 yards receiving for hogan - and almost earned him this week's tommy. sorry chris, but you're not the only one who broke a record last night - and the tommy of the week is going to its namesake. nice to see the leadership, competitiveness and general roguish charm is still going strong, tommy!

we play atlanta in super bowl 51 in two weeks, kids, but i'll be back next sunday with the tommy of the super bye. get started on your happy patriots thoughts - we definitely need a double dose heading into houston!

have a great week, and go TO THE SUPER BOWL pats!

love dav

Sunday, January 15, 2017


well kids,

in spite of the impressive score and the covering of the spread, it was not a particularly dominant win by our patriots in last night's divisional playoff game. i blame tommy's mustache.

our fearless quarterback clearly didn't realize how much the extra weight on his upper lip would affect his passing ability, and he threw as many interceptions last night as he threw in his last 12 games. neither was completely his fault, but both made me completely infuriated. tommy wound up 18 of 38 for 287 yards and two touchdowns - making this one of his poorer playoff performances in which we still managed to win. i hope you got that out of your system, tommy. go shave!

i've heard a lot of chatter today about how "suspect" our defense looks again, but i didn't think they looked so awful. yes, it was brock osweiler, but they did intercept him three times - and they held houston to 16 points (13 of which came on very short fields thanks to patriots turnovers). i was alright with the d, but my initial inclination for this week's tommy was to give it to jules. when the going gets tough, we can count on julian to make the catch and move the chains, which he did to the tune of 137 yards. but while julian might be the world's best security blanket (mmmhmmm... wait... give me a second...), even i recognize that this game was the dion lewis show. not only did he have an explosive punt return for a touchdown early in the game, he also wound up with rushing and receiving touchdowns - the only player in playoff history to have all three. sorry jules. even with dion's fumble and your snugglability, he's getting this week's tommy. sure is nice to have you back, d!

i know this wasn't the resounding win everyone expected and now the patriots look vulnerable and blah blah blah, but i'm really not too worried about this one. just like in denver, we saw that our team has tommy's back and can still find ways to win games when he's not on his. besides- anyone who's been following this crazy train for the last 17 years knows that a tommy-terrible is usually followed by a tommy-terrific, and no matter who we play next week, this was definitely the order in which to have them. i'm suspicious that you all got lazy during the bye week, so double down on your happy patriots thoughts, kids! you're running out of chances, and i know you want to see tommy complete an entire season as much as i do!

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Wednesday, January 4, 2017


hey kids-

happy new year! our patriots started 2017 with a W and a ton of momentum heading into the playoffs. while it's exciting that this win clinched home field advantage throughout, it might be more exciting that this win was a win. in miami!!! that almost never happens.

our fearless quarterback generally plays poorly in miami, but the team rallied to give him a hand and it turned into a pretty terrific showing. he wound up 25 of 33 with 276 yards and three touchdowns - bringing him to 28 on the season with just two interceptions. that set a new record - but i've got a feeling that's the last thing on tommy's mind. 

our patriots are really looking solid heading into the playoffs, and there were plenty of contenders for the totw. our defense continued the streak of turnovers with a interception by logan ryan and an awesome fumble recovery that shea mcclellin managed to return for 69 yards before getting hilariously exhausted and heading out of bounds. michael floyd made his presence known in this game, fighting for yards after catch - including a great effort to stretch into the endzone. he also delivered a now-infamous killer block that left the field wide open for julian's 77-yard reception. that reception was just one of jules' amazing plays during this game, and it was exciting to see the league's leader in dropped pass come away with a career high 151 yards. he got this week's afc offensive player of the week- and he's getting this week's tommy. nice work, jules! rest up. on to playoffs.

unless miami beats pittsburgh, we play the winner of the raiders/texans game a week from this saturday night. that gives you plenty of time to think you happy patriots playoff thoughts. root for whichever of those teams you think we can beat most easily, then think those happy patriots thoughts extra hard. i'm finally feeling good about this team - and i don't think any of us is ready for this season to be over. so, you know. do your job! 

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav