Tuesday, September 23, 2014


hey kids-

about to head out the door for my annual nyc extravaganza, so let’s make it short and sweet. the patriots won. it was ugly. i don’t care. i like winning better than not winning, even if the game is excruciating to watch.

our fearless quarterback is looking a little more frazzled than fearless these days, but that may be because there’s no good option when julian edelman is covered, which is always. tommy started slow but managed to go 24 of 37 and rack up 234 yards and one touchdown, which feels about average in this no-receiver era. that win might’ve been ugly, tommy – but it sure looks good on you.

i wanted to give this totw to julian edelman because again it felt like he’s the only guy on the team doing his job and at least he makes me cheer for something. then, right at the end, vince wilfork came up with a heads up lucky interception that kept our woeful patriots from going to OT with the woeful raiders. so, for saving me a little woe, vince gets this week’s tommy. EAT EM, VINCE!

we play kansas city on monday night while i’m in nyc. i’ll be closer, but the patriots will ironically be farther away, so think your happy patriots thoughts extra hard so they have time to get there. happy week, happy new york, happy win!

go patriots!

love dav

Sunday, September 14, 2014


well kids,
winning sucks a lot less than losing does. while i’m still not completely back in football mode, our patriots made it a little easier on me by winning big in minnesota. lessons learned in week two:  both winning and a nondouchey football bar have a notably positive impact on my attitude about the patriots. 
tommy had a pretty mellow game this week, going 15 for 22 with 149 yards and a touchdown pass, but we won and we’ll take it. our fearless quarterback didn’t do much in the way of earning his nickname this week, but when the other guy throws four picks, you kind of look good just standing there.

our defense ran away with this game quite literally, as they were on the receiving end of those four cassel picks. you can’t blame poor matt for getting a little confused – he threw to patriots for a long time! while mccourty had an awesome 60 yard return, he missed scoring – and the totw – by one yard. instead, this one’s going to chandler jones. number 95 is already off to a fantastic start this season, and he piled on this week with two terrific sacks and an awesome blocked field goal that he returned for a touchdown.  here he is giving a hello hug to our old friend matt, though matty does not look very happy to see him.

dad says we play the raiders next week, and google says he’s right! it’s our home opener, which bodes well, but be sure to think your happy patriots thoughts. you can’t expect the nondouchey football bar to do all the work for you.
have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Monday, September 8, 2014


alright tommy. it’s time to shave.
hey kids-
it’s football season again, and i think i might be dead because i’m super not feeling it. our patriots didn’t help at all yesterday, putting up their first opening day loss since 2003. it’s not that surprising for us to lose to miami in miami, but it is a pretty sucky way to start a season. i blame the beard.
our fearless quarterback was bristly in more ways than one, showing obvious frustration at throwing 59 passes and having only 29 of them caught. this was cute at first, but i’m getting really freaking tired of having no players on our team. tommy was definitely not on his game in the second half, but it’s going to be a long season if some of those boys don’t remember how to catch the football. i’m talking to you rob gronkowski. at least tommy had the good grace to cry about it. i’m usually so happy to see your face this time of year tommy, bur frankly, right now i’m glad i don’t have to look at you.

seriously – i think i might be broken because i’m really not interested in football at all and i don’t feel like giving the tommy of the week to anybody. it really makes me mad when we lose. to the dolphins. in week one. the first half of this game actually wasn’t awful – we had two nice drives and several awesome defensive turnovers, which was promising. i distinctly remember cheering for julian edelman and stephen gostkowski for, you know, doing their jobs, so let’s give this one to stephen. he hit a 60 yard field goal in preseason, and while i don’t do preseason totws, he usually gets overlooked during the season. i love you, stephen, but i reallllllly hope i don’t have to give this to you every week.

so the good news is that tommy’s in last place and you know he’s pissed off about it, which can only be good for us. the even gooder news is that the last time we lost the season opener, we won the super bowl. the goodest news is that this totw is all done. think some happy patriots thoughts so that i can start liking football again. we play the vikings in minnesota on sunday morning, and if we don’t win, i’ll be even crankier than this. you’ve been warned.
have  a great week, and um, well, go pats, i guess.
love dav

ps- if you want off this list, you can email me. or just hang in there. if i don’t like football again soon, you might not have to put up with it much longer!