Sunday, October 26, 2014


hey kids-
there’s a dance that goes with all those las, but consider yourselves lucky you can’t see it. also consider yourselves lucky if you saw any of the patriots game against the bears, because it was holy freaking awesome.
it’s my favorite time of year, when tom brady dons his doofy hat and then puts up a performance that defies anyone to make fun of him. there was A LOT of defiance going on today, with our fearless quarterback going 30 for 35 for 354 yards. he also threw five touchdowns. FIVE TOUCHDOWNS. i really just want to say it one more time. tom brady threw five touchdowns!!! apparently this was the eighth best game of his career, which makes us very very very spoiled fans. here he is, celebrating in the tradition of a long line of bradys before him. and i was embarrassed about my dance!

our team looked good on both sides of the ball today, with some exciting performance by some new(ish) faces. on offense, rookie jonas grey – or little dude as he was called by me – took over running back duties admirably, while defensive cornerback brandon browner showed why the patriots signed him with some big breakups and batdowns. still, there’s no way you’re going to throw five touchdowns and not get the award named for you, so this week’s tommy goes to tom brady. games like this have me skipping for joy, too, tommy!

we play denver next week, kids, and our boys have certainly delivered on that momentum for which i was hoping. after last year’s miracle comeback, the broncos should be more fierce than ever – along with momentum, we’re going to need some big plays. a little bad weather and a lot of happy patriots thoughts can’t hurt – so start thinking yours right now, and i’ll start doing my nor’easter dance. please avert your eyes.
have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Sunday, October 19, 2014


hey kids-
well, the patriots beat the jets in a down-to-the-wire nailbiter, and i’m just now getting over the hangover this game induced. both my liver and i are extremely grateful we won’t have another night game until after the bye.
our fearless quarterback is looking both fearless and quarterbacky these days, and i’m loving it. tommy came out swinging again, this time with a lovely 49-yard touchdown pass into the waiting arms of shane vereen. brady ended with 261 yards and three touchdowns– one more to shane and one to danny amendola, who apparently has “come out of his funk” and is “finally contributing” all with one 19-yard catch. don’t get me wrong – i’d heart amendola if it weren’t hazardous for his health, but seriously! put me in there enough times and i’ll make one awesome important catch, too! in any case, we like danny, we like touchdowns, and we really like tom brady celebrating...although i’m not sure i really like this. maybe we should give these boys a little privacy.

while it’s great fun to watch our offense making big dramatic passing plays, the downside is that our defense was on the field literally twice as long as brady and the boys. i’m not thrilled that they allowed the jets to score 25 points, but they did manage to come up big when it counted. chris jones redeemed himself for last year’s loss by blocking a 58-yard field goal attempt... or so i’m told. i was outside sucking in air and trying to not hurl the entire bottle of wine i apparently drank over the course of the game. luckily, there’s photographic evidence (or the play, not the near-hurling) and here’s chris blocking that punt and earning this week’s tommy. thanks chris! winning made staggering home a much more pleasant experience!

we play the bears next sunday morning, and i think the bears started out good but aren’t that good any more, so i don’t know what will happen. (you know, as opposed to all those weeks when i totally predict exactly what’s going to happen.) think your happy patriots thoughts and i’ll let you know all about it next time.
have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Monday, October 13, 2014


hey kids-

the patriots won! my mom would tell you i complained about being bored for the whole first half of this game, but she’s a liar. this game was super awesome and exciting and i totally love winning. at least that’s how i remember it!

tom brady’s on fi-yah (fi-yah, fi-yah) and had his best game of the season, racking up four touchdowns and 361 yards. while i never ever take a win for granted, brady seems to own the bills, and the second half of this game almost felt like one of those games of keep away big brothers play with little brothers (or in my case, tall boyfriends play with short girlfriends). tommy would be the big brother or the tall boyfriend in this situation if there was any confusion. yeah... i kinda lost the thread on this one.

in any case, there were solid performances on both side of the ball again this week, and it’s heartening to see the pats playing with a little passion and pride. both of new kids caught touchdowns and jamie collins had another big game, but the totw is going to brandon lafell. he’s been making steady progress since joining the offense, and it culminated with 97 yards and two touchdown receptions against the bills – including a super pretty 56 yarder that  made our fearless quarterback look like a superhero. nice work brandon! here he is getting some much earned tommylove as a reward. tommy looks as surprised that he can catch the ball as i was!

we play the jets on thursday night, and it’s the first of three (count em, three!) home games we have before heading into our bye. it’d be nice to get a little momentum going leading up to our prebye broncos battle, but it would be even nicer to beat the jets! think your happy patriots thoughts that the jets don’t pick this week to remember how to play football – and that the patriots don’t pick this week to forget now that they’re finally getting the hang of it.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

ps- my mom’s not a liar. i was totally bored during the first half of this game. sorry mom!

Monday, October 6, 2014


hey kids-
i come to you with shame on my face. i totally lost faith and didn’t think it was physically possible for our patriots to beat the bengals. thankfully, they never lost faith in themselves, and they all stepped up to lay down a whoopin on the cincinnati bengals. holy patriots.
after taking it in the teeth all week long, tommy came out kickin’ and led our offense to touchdowns on the first two drives. he never let up, and our fearless quarterback eventually wound up 23 of 35 with 292 yards. while those may not be the most impressive numbers of his career, they were impressive enough to make me embarrassed for ever doubting he could once again turn a nothing team into something – and to make everybody else shut the hell up. our tommy proved he’s not anywhere close to done, and if you want that football, you’re gonna have to pry it from his cold, dead hands.

there were a lot of exciting performances in this game – from an offensive line that kept brady vertical to a rob gronkowski who finally remembered how to catch a football. even our defense looked awesome – led by darrelle revis who finally decided to play for the patriots! still, it should be no surprise this week’s tommy is going to tom brady. our fearless quarterback not only showed us the leadership, competitiveness and general roguish charm that inspired this award, but he also became the sixth quarterback to pass for 50,000 career yards. here he is, racking up a few of those yards and showing us all why he has an award named after him... and, you know, three super rings and stuff.

and after four weeks of watching tommy cry/fume/wallow on the bench, we’re just going to take one more moment and revel in this. awwwww yeahhhh. that’s the stuff.

we play the bills on sunday, and while i’m not expecting the patriots to come out with guns quite as blazing, it certainly is a relief to know that team is in there. great work holding up the side and thinking extra happy patriots thoughts for a defeated dav this week, kids. i promise i’ll do my part for sunday. in fact, i’ve started all ready!
so – altogether now: happy patriots thoughts, have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Saturday, October 4, 2014


hey kids-
the only thing worse than watching the patriots get slaughtered on monday night football in front of a national audience is doing it totally hungover on about 90 minutes’ sleep. but it was a reallllllllllly goooooood wedding.
so, somewhere between the gravy cheese fries (thank god i don’t live near the gin mill anymore) and the 26-year-old hitting on me (seriously- why i am SO pretty in new york?!), i think there was a football game, and i think i’m supposed to tell you about it. it honestly isn’t worth talking about, as our fearless quarterback looked worse than i’ve seen him in as long as i can remember. i know it wasn’t all his fault, but man, that was a bad game, tommy. there were a LOT of photos of brady on his butt, but i like this one the best. at least here, it’s where he’s supposed to be!

looking at the stats, i was amazed to see that brandon lafell had six receptions for 119 yards – mostly because i’m surprised that tommy completed that many passes! as exciting as it is to see lafell catching the ball, this tommy of the week is going to ryan allen. i realllllly hearted me some zoltan mesko and refused to learn the new kid’s name all last season. however, his consistently awesome punts have worn me down, and i’m showing the kid some love. he’d actually had zero touchbacks up to this game and was one of the few patriots who went to kansas city to play football. (i’m guessing the rest of them went for the barbeque – which would totally explain tommy’s slippery hands.) great work right allen. ironically, you’re the only thing that didn’t have me seeing red on monday.

we play cincinnati tomorrow night, and i’m not gonna lie, kids. i can’t muster one single happy patriots thought. i’m seriously afraid we’re going to get killed. on national tv. again. here’s hoping i’m wrong – since i’ll actually be conscious for this game!  think extra ones for me – it’s in all of our best interest for the pats not to go 2-3. trust me.
have a great saturday night and go pats!

love dav