Sunday, September 25, 2016


well kids-

i did not see that coming. our patriots looked freaking awesome against the houstons, even if our last quarterback standing got a little banged up in the process.

southern barbecue did better in his first nfl start than anticipated (by me) and even had 27-yard touchdown that was pretty darned impressive - and not just because our regular fearless quarterback runs like a lumbering ox. brissett wound up 11 of 19 for 103 yards, with a little assistance from edelman and amedola - but none from gronk, who finally showed up but was utterly useless. that's okay, gronk. i'm pretty useless when i'm hungover, too.

whatever bill said to our defense about checking out in the second half of last week's game worked, because the D came to play. not only did they shut out the houstons completely, but they also set up our offense with awesome field position thanks to an endless parade of turnovers. sheard sacked osweiller twice, both bolden and ebner forced fumbles, and jamie collins had an awesome interception he returned for six. our defense didn't score until week FIFTEEN last season, so collins is definitely getting this week's tommy. nice work, jamie! maybe that apple picking last sunday turned out to be good practice for this week's pick six!

my friend jeremy called this week to grouse at me for "beating his bills"- which i thought was a lovely vote of confidence since we don't play them until next sunday. i don't care which one of our ailing quarterbacks shows up to get the job done, as long as there's one more nail in rex ryan's coffin - and one more W to welcome back #12. think your happy patriots thoughts, kids, and i'll see you next sunday.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Monday, September 19, 2016


well kids,

it's pretty early in the season for me to rage when the patriots pull out a win, but i was pretty steaming mad about yesterday's victory. there i was, sipping my bloody mary and enjoying the danny amendola show, when BAM! our not-even-real quarterback is injured, our defense disappears to go apple picking, and some guy whose name belongs on a southern barbecue menu is standing in the spot where tom brady belongs. don't blame the concussions - welker had good reason to look so confused.

by now you probably know jimmy garoppolo left with an injury, but it sounds like it's not as serious as initially feared. the kid looked solid while he did play, scoring on his first three drives and ultimately going 18 of 27 for 234 yards with three touchdowns before leaving in the second quarter. i can't really blame the defense for thinking jimmy's trot off-field signaled the end of the game. the kid did better in two quarters than aaron rogers or andrew luck did all day...but after 21 unanswered points by miami and an oh-god-don't-let-this-be-becoming-characteristic miss by stephen gostkowski, my bloody mary bliss had quickly evaporated into full scale fire-breathing. in the end, it was the old standbys who saved the day, and i'm giving this week's tommy to legarrette blount.  martellus bennett made his case with 114 yards and a touchdown, but blount kept the chains and the clock moving when everyone else seemed to have forgotten we were still in the middle of a game. thanks for leaping to the rescue, legarrette. way to keep the team grounded.

considering our next game is just three days away, our future seems filled with questions, kids. will garoppolo recover in time to suit up - or will julian kneecap southern barbecue and finally become our starting quarterback? will vince wilfork challenge danny amendola to a cover boy confidence-off? and will gronk *ever* come back from cancun??? think your happy patriots thoughts for whichever of those things you want most, and i'll keep you posted on how it all turns out. 

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

Monday, September 12, 2016


hey kids-

football is back - and so is your tommy of the week! it was a heart stopper in arizona last night, and while we may have been gronkless and bradyless, thanks to bill and the boys, we were never hopeless. holy patriots! we beat the cardinals!

someone asked me last night if i ever root for the underdog, just for a change - 'cause, you know, going into 9.5 point-favorite arizona without our starting qb, star tight end, and best defensive dude apparently still doesn't qualify us for underdog status. i couldn't really argue with her though. america tuned in to watch our hamstrung team get spanked on national tv. in the sweetest of ironies, they left deflated. 

the names and numbers may have been different, but they certainly looked like patriots out there. newbie chris hogan pulled in a 37-yard pass for the first touchdown of the season, and our old friend jules moved the chains every time we needed him, racking up 77 yards. our defense looked fierce even without ninkovich, and i can tell already i'm going to be learning these totw-contenders' names sooner than later! even gostkowski looked great - nailing three field goals, including the go-ahead late in the fourth quarter. 

still, it was all eyes on jimmy garoppolo on sunday night, and while he might not be a fearless quarterback quite yet, he certainly did an awesome imitation of one. the kid went 24 of 33 for 264 yards and a touchdown - and in his first nfl start, he earned his first tommy of the week. congrats, jimmy! you didn't just do your job - you did us proud!

we play the dolphins at home on sunday, and after last night, i'm probably the only person in america who's kind of nervous about it. still, the dolphins always play us hard, and their new coach seems pretty gutsy. this seems like a good opportunity to think your happy patriots thoughts a little early this week - just in case you're a little rusty. 

have a great week - and go pats!

love dav