Wednesday, October 24, 2018


well, kids -

there are a whole slew of reasons for which i'm delighted to report that the patriots beat the bears: i really thought we'd lose to either the chiefs or the bears, so another win gives us a buffer in case we lose to green bay; we really needed a win on the road; and winning is just so much happier than losing.

our fearless qb might not have mitch trubisky's legs, but luckily for us, he has tom brady's arm. tommy wound up 25 of 36 for 277 yards and three touchdowns - along with another interception that we're not counting because it wasn't his fault. yes, i know real life doesn't work like that, but this is my made-up award, which means i make up the rules. tommy approves.

it was a sloppy and dramatic game with lots of turnovers and unusual exciting plays on both sides of the ball. on our side, our defense managed to pull down two interceptions and our special teams not only blocked a punt and returned it for a touchdown but also regular returned a punt for a touchdown. on top of that, josh gordon racked 100 receiving yards and james white had two touchdowns. i'm not sure who should get the totw, but i'm giving it to trent brown. yeah, you heard me. not only do i know the names of offensive linemen, but i also know that they were supposed to have their hands full with some dude called khalil mack. mack may have turned up a little gimpy, but it didn't help that trent brown steam-rolled him pretty much all day long, protecting tommy's blindside and keeping him (mostly) off his butt. bravo, trent brown. now everybody knows your name!

our erratic schedule continues on monday night versus the bills - and i don't think the patriots really do trap games, but this could definitely be one of them. we're at buffalo, so think your happy patriots thoughts that this game isn't any harder than it has to be and our winning streak on the road extends - to two!

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Tuesday, October 16, 2018


well kids- 

our patriots beat the kansas city chiefs, and they looked pretty good doing it. yes, they blew a big halftime lead, and yes, there's room for improvement, but 4-2 looks a lot better than 3-3 heading into chicago. 

our fearless quarterback didn't have one single interception in this game, but he made up for it with a stupid and totally preventable fumble that made this one a little closer than it needed to be. he made up for that with another rushing touchdown, though, so it all kind of evens out. he wound up 24 of 35 for 340 yards and one passing td in addition to the rush. next game, let's work on our focus, tommy.

i was thinking about giving this totw to dont'a hightower - who was running around like a bat out of hell and pulled down (and nearly ran back) an interception, but i'm loathe to award the totw to a defense that allowed 40 points even if mahomes is kind of awesome. instead, i'm giving this one to stephen gostkowski. he apparently kicked five field goals in this game, and i had to check three different box scores to be sure that was right because i only remember two of them. that means the other three must have been fairly low stress (though there was a 48- and a 50-yarder in addition the game winner...), and lowering my stress in the midst of this shootout is definitely totw-worthy. way to make it look easy, stephen! 

we're off to chicago this weekend, and that kid in chicago might be even scarier than that kid in kansas city. think your happy patriots extra hard this week, and let's all hope that our fearless qb keeps showing the kids how it's done.

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Friday, October 12, 2018


hey kids-

our patriots looked good against the colts - even if they were gimpy and, well, the colts. with a couple of tough games on the horizon, we'll take the win and be happy for it.

we'll also be happy for our fearless quarterback - who had an awesome game that included his 500th career touchdown pass. tommy wound up 34 of 44 and three touchdown passes - plus one hilarious touchdown "rush" arm extension. congratulations, tommy! happily, jules was on hand to congratulate him, too.

technically speaking, this week's totw should be awarded to patrick chung after i called him out by name for no interceptions last week and he answered that call with an interception this week. patrick does get honorable mention, but there's no way tommy's getting four touchdowns - including his career 500th - and not getting the award named after him. sorry patrick- but you're not the first to learn that when you're competing against tommy brady, you really have to up your game. tommy's 500th was a dramatic jump ball to the end zone - and josh gordon really made it look way too easy. thanks for putting that look on our qb's face, josh - and thanks for putting it on ours 500 times, tommy!

we have a huge test on sunday night football this week, taking on the undefeated chiefs. the chiefs have been known to embarrass us on the national stage, so think your happy patriots thoughts that our team has made as much progress in the last 10 days as they did the 10 before. having to listen to chris collinsworth is torture enough without adding losing on top of it!

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

Monday, October 1, 2018


hey kids-

what a relief! you may have noticed there was no totw last week, and that's because no one deserved it after an ugly, ugly loss to the lions. this week, we not only beat the dolphins, but we showed a glimmer of the team we could become - and it was almost as beautiful as my sister in her fairytale wedding dress!

our fearless quarterback never plays his best against miami, and this game was no exception. he did go a respectable 23 of 35 for 274 yards and three touchdown, but there were also two interceptions. exhale, tommy. your blankie is back and will be all warmed up for you on thursday.

i have so much to say about this game, starting with helloooooooo josh gordon. please stay sober. also- yay sony mitchell, whom i one-single-time called "son" (as in go-son-go-son-go!) and inadvertently offended the african american dude sitting next to me. also also, does anyone else think matt patricia secretly coached our defense before they left ford field last weekend? 

there are so many tommy contenders this week, i wish i could reappropriate last week's and give this week's twice. props to patterson for the prettiest and to dorset for the clutchiest catches of the game - and honorable mention to james white - whom i multiple times called "white" and did not inadvertently offend the african american dude sitting next to me. nevertheless, i'm giving the totw to trey flowers. i know this will be controversial- mostly because i barely found a single photo of him from yesterday's game. i also know our defense looked solid against houston, then flowers got hurt and we looked anemic against jacksonville and detroit. upon his return, we once again looked solid against the undefeated dolphins and came within two minutes of a shutout. i suspect that a healthy flowers simply means everyone around him can go back to doing their jobs, but that kind of makes him one of the lynch pins of our defense. yes, i know the same could be said for chung, but i'm pretty clear with our secondary: no interception, no totw! anyway, congrats, trey flowers, on your first and probably only totw. surprisingly, we missed you!

quick turn around hosting the colts on thursday night - and i'd say something about bringing your football-pressure-measurers or getting mcdaniels a ponyproof vest, but i'm just too giddy about julian to bother. maybe it's just me, but these four games felt wayyyyy worse than the four when tommy was suspended. bring on the edel-man!

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav